My Self-Acceptance Story

 

​I used to enter every interaction with the goal of getting the other person to like me, love me, or to approve of me -- to accept me. 

I wasn't usually aware that I was doing this.  
I also know that there are many other people who function the same way. People who, deep down, find it very important to be loved and accepted by others. We are sometimes referred to as "people pleasers" or as having an "approval addiction." 
There are also people who deeply need to be respected. They present differently in relationships, perhaps seeming more arrogant, more sure of themselves, more sure of their knowledge. They care more than you respect them than they do that you like them.

We've all met people who fit these descriptions.

You can likely recognize yourself in one or the other of these descriptions. 

There are many reasons why our subconscious needs these external sources of validation.
Some possibilities are feelings of inadequacy, fear, low self-esteem, or inability to see the good in ourselves. 

Once I set aside a year to practice radical self-acceptance.

That journey is one that will continue

through my lifetime. But I've noticed some things. 
When my agenda (even if I didn't realize I had an agenda) was

to get other people to like me then I wasn't able to show up as

my full and true self. 
I wasn't able to love them fully and truly because my 

subconscious was too focussed on what I could get. 
Yes, I was kind. Yes, I loved people. No, I wasn't being self-serving;

And yet, I was. Because I had an agenda.

 

My hidden agenda was Please Love Me. Please Make Me Feel 
Safe. Please Accept Me For Who I Am. 

 

When I began to fully accept myself and to truly love myself

I no longer needed these things (as much) from outside 

sources. Of course I still want others to love and accept me, 

but I don't need for them to as my only source of love and

acceptance.
It's similar to the difference between having your produce delivered

to your door by an unreliable delivery person who only

delivers the best produce if you tip him extravagantly 

and growing your own garden. 
You may still enjoy getting some fresh pineapple delivered, but

you don't have to rely on it as your only source of produce.

 

I am able to enter an interaction from a place of confidence and composure, knowing that I carry

with me the love and acceptance that I need. I'm not putting that burden on the people I am interacting with and therefore am able to enter into a more honest and mutual relationship.

 

On a seemingly unrelated note, I have been studying somatic practices, how our bodies process

emotion and trauma, and how to regulate our nervous systems. 
But that's not unrelated at all. Because if we are at odds with ourself, if we can't love or fully accept ourself, then we can't have a regulated nervous system.

I 

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What does you inner voice sound like? Is it constantly criticizing and belittling you?

How do you talk about yourself to others? Are you always putting yourself down?
What are your initial thoughts when you see your reflection or a photo of yourself? Do you notice the flaws and shortcomings and feel embarrassed?

Are you often comparing yourself to others? Do you feel inferior.
Does the thought of loving yourself sound egotistical or self-centered?
Do you feel pressure to be perfect?

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Maybe you've tried to silence the inner voices, to alienate the critical 

thoughts, or just tried harder to meet your own ideals.

 

​Perhaps there is a better way. 
Perhaps the focus can shift from rejection to acceptance.

What if learning to love yourself and fully accept yourself

is the first step in being free from self-condemnation

and allowing the nervous system to begin the process

of regulation. ​
 

​I can guide you on a gentle journey to self-love and radical 

self-acceptance. We will utilize somatic practices along the way

to teach your body how it feels to be safe.

 

Check out the Journey to Self-Acceptance six-month membership
and other offerings. 
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